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Is it real? Is Michael Jackson really dead???

So Thursday June 25, 2009 I had surgery to remove my Gallbladder. It was also the same day that Michael Jackson died. I was super medicated that day so I wasn’t totally aware of the situation during that Thursday or Friday.

The days passed and I see all of these MJ tributes and videos … his music has been all over the radio. It’s just another person who died, right? I mean, I never saw him in concert or anything. Never really had anything of his other than a CD and my dad’s old vinyl. I’ve been going about my business just like a regular working person. Another celebrity died. We’ll remember him for a while … I guess. No big deal.

I didn’t realize how much of an impact a man whom I’ve never met had on my life and my memories.

I did record the VH1, MTV & BET shows that showcased and highlighted his music videos and career from the Jackson 5 to current. I went to iTunes and out of the top 10 most downloaded songs on iTunes … 4 of them are of M. Jackson. Wow …

So I download some of the most popular … Thriller, Dirty Diana, Moonwalker, I’ll be there, Rockin Robin … all of the ones that I did remember.

As I sit here and I listen to his songs it flings me back to places and times when I first heard them …
I have a fuzzy memory of sitting in front of a TV at a neighbors house watching the Thriller Video for the first time. It was a big deal. I was scared for a bit, but it was a big deal and I am always a part of a big deal.
I remember watching the Moonwalker Video a thousand times (mom , I would like to borrow that if you still have it so I can show my kids).
I remember his transformation from a young black man with a big nose to a pale man who’s had surgery to help or alter his appearance.
I remember his “marriage”.
I remember sitting in a car singing “You know I’m bad … I’m bad … you know it …c’mon … you know … who’s baaaaadddd??? …
I remember as a teen walking on the sand with the wind blowing like crazy … I would stick my hands up in the air and yell as loud as I could “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”. Of course this would be at night where no one would see me except for my silly friends.
I remember being at parties watching people do the Moonwalk and his famous “controversial” hand to the no no zone move! BY THE WAY … I can’t moonwalk!
I remember Free Willy and the Human Nature song with SWV.
I remember watching the video with the Jackson 5 and their arms all up in the air with the glitter and stars coming out … “Can you Feel it … can you feel it … can you FEEL IT?!?!?!?!?!”
I remember the really really cool Gravity thing he did in the Smooth Criminal video!!! How cool is that and don’t tell me that YOU didn’t try to do it!!!!! I sure as hell did and have the scar to prove it! “Annie are you ok? Say Annie are you ok??? … ARE YOU OK ANNIE?????????”
I remember thinking that the song “Butterflies” would be my wedding song at one point … out of the many that I wanted.
I remember my dad playing his records in the house and my sisters and I knew every song and every word and we danced like there was no tomorrow. (Mom and Dad … I now realize that this was your way of wearing us down so we would WANT to go to bed soon after).
I remember that I don’t have a favorite song of MJ’s … I like a lot of his songs … Scream, Butterflies, Stranger in Moscow, Human Nature, They Don’t Care About Us … and many many more …

Then …. it just dawned on me … for the next few weeks I’m going to tear up every now and then. I might just break down because some of these memories last forever but he didn’t. I don’t understand … That isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Right … didn’t he have enough money to like live forever? I still have a hard time believing this is all real.

Sorry … just thought I would share with my small world of friends and family.

Comments

Ange said…
Girl, I feel you! I was like "aww MJ died, that's sad." and went about my night. Then, the songs and tributes pour in and you find yourself an emotional mess and dancing like a damn fool. Music has a huge impact on life, memories especially. He was a great artist and when you put all the crazy aside...that's how we should remember him and celebrate his life. :)

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